How Ten Became Eleven
by Sanguine Ink
Summary: A collection of oneshots, featuring a tragically hilarious death of Ten in each one.
1. The Cybermen of Food

**A/N: After watching all four new series seasons of Doctor Who within a week, I was horrified to learn that David Tennant is leaving. Of course, I was also horrified when Chris Eccleston left, but Tennant won me over with his very first episode. So maybe I'll love Matt Smith too. Anyway, so the other day I was wondering how Ten would die, and ended up scribbling down a lot of funny ways he could go. Hope you enjoy.  
**

Stepping out of the TARDIS, the Doctor sniffed the city air.

"New York City! The first, the original – well, technically it's the second York…well, actually it's the second Amsterdam…but here you go, New York, New York – September 1995, if I'm not mistaken…."

The many passersby of 1995 New York gave him strange looks as he rambled on to himself. Oh right. No companion. In between at the moment. Well...that was fine with him. He'd just – was that a hot dog stand?

Grinning, the Doctor strolled to the hot dog stand, his coat flapping behind him. From beneath the red and yellow stand wafted the fragrance of sauerkraut, a mouthwatering beacon to a Time Lord.

The line was a bit long though. Four people were between him and the wonderful hot dogs. Well, time to make some friends.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor!" the Doctor said cheerfully to the woman in front of him, stretching his hand forward for a handshake.

She turned to look at him. Ignoring his outstretched hand, her beady eyes looked him up and down before she answered, "Right. Doctor of what?"

The Doctor shrugged, hands in his pockets. "Just about everything I suppose." The person at the front of the line got their hot dog and left, letting the line move forward. "Oh, good, the line's moving. I can't wait to get a hot dog. I love hot dogs. Cybermen of food, really, but absolutely delicious. Of course, you don't want to know what's in it. No really, you don't. Unless you're allergic to Paxicornoplians, but very few humans are. Or you might need to know if you're really an Exdretch in disguise. They're horribly allergic to Paxicornoplians. Nasty buggers, the Exdretch. Stopped them from taking over the planet Yongoslavia with hot dogs from this planet, actually. You're not a Exdretch, are you?"

The woman, eyebrows raised in alarm now, began frantically glancing around for another hot dog stand line to wait in. But then line moved again, and now there was only one more person between her and lunch.

The Doctor plowed on, without waiting for an answer. "Course you're not, if you were you'd be ginger. They always like disguising themselves as gingers. I'd love to be ginger. Been through ten bodies and not one of them has been ginger! Sure, I love this body – I mean, look at me – but still, you think by now I'd have been ginger at least once!"

Casting a desperate glance at the man running the hot dog stand as she moved to the front of the line, the woman said, "Couldn't you just – I don't know, dye it or something?"

The Doctor paused for a brief moment. "Well, I could, yeah I could, I suppose. But that's sort of cheating, isn't it? Besides, some of those chemicals are _nasty_. And it doesn't always turn out alright, either. I should know, I had a friend – Rose, her name was….anyway, she dyed her hair. Tried to do it on the TARDIS once, and it turned her hair _green_. Of course, the hair dye _was_ intended for Yongoslavians – their hair has a _completely_ different chemical structure than humans'. No surprise, really. Lucky she didn't burn her scalp clean off. I warned her about buying alien cosmetics."

The woman had stopped listening and was fidgeting with her purse strap impatiently as the hot dog vendor put her hot dog in a bun. When it was done, she snatched the hot dog from him, slapped her money on the counter, and click-clacked away on her high heels as fast as she could.

"Rude, that one," commented the Doctor. "Hello, can I have a hot dog?"

The hot dog vendor's drooped eyelids fluttered slightly. In a monotone voice he grunted. "Five dollars."

"Bit much for a hot dog, isn't it? Oh wait, I'm thinking of 1930 prices…Of course, there were even nastier things in hot dogs back then. Now, hold on, let's see if I've got any money…."

The Doctor dug frantically through his pockets, but the only Earth money he had on him was a 53rd century five hundred thousand dollar bill – and that wouldn't have been enough to buy him a hot dog in the 53rd century, either.

"Tell you what," said the Doctor, drawing out the psychic paper, "This means I'll get a free hot dog, right?"

The hot dog vendor's eyes widened. "You're the Doctor."

"Oh, is that what it says?" said the Doctor, a bit surprised. Well, if that's what got him a free hot dog….

"The Doctor must have a free hot dog." Without taking his eyes off the Doctor, the hot dog vendor arranged and wrapped the hot dog. Slightly unnerved by the man's piercing stare, the Doctor quietly accepted his free hot dog and strode back towards the TARDIS.

Well, that was odd, he thought as he munched on his hot dog. That vendor seemed oddly familiar somehow. Maybe he had met him before? Well, that would explain the free hot dog…..

The Doctor was halfway through the hot dog and had already started to glow with regenerative energy by the time he realized, much to his horror, that the hot dog vendor had been ginger.

**I have a bunch of these. I'll be writing them and putting them up just for the joy of doing it, but it doesn't hurt to leave a review anyway.**


	2. How Robert Pattinson Killed the Doctor

**A/N: Wow, two reviews with the first chapter, I'm impressed. =) Here's another one I wrote today. Let me preface this by saying that Harry Potter was my first fandom, and I did enjoy Twilight, although I'm not nearly as obsessed as some people I know. This is about the connection between Doctor Who, Harry Potter, and Twilight.**

**And I suppose I should warn that there are spoilers for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. But if you haven't seen that yet, then what on earth are you doing on here? You should be reading or watching it instead.**

**Anyway, enjoy. =)**

* * *

Having successfully vanquished yet another alien trying to take over the Earth (what was it with Earth that made it so take-over-able?), the Doctor strode back to where he had left the TARDIS, in a building where some sort of movie was being filmed. He hadn't been paying attention to which one - it's hard to concentrate on things like that when you're trying to keep Haiphuns from changing all the air on the planet into laughing gas after all.

As he rounded the corner, the Doctor collided with a man carrying a heavy spotlight. Catching it as it fell, the Doctor handed it back to the grateful man.

"Thanks, mate," said the man, hefting the spotlight up onto his shoulder. "Blimey, when they said I'd have to move a lot of heavy lights, they weren't kidding."

"What movie needs so many lights?" asked the Doctor, curious.

"What planet are you from, mate?" The Doctor decided not to answer the question. "It's Goblet of Fire, of course!"

"But – hold on! Goblet of Fire? You mean this is Harry Potter? You're filming Harry Potter! Oh, I l_oved_ the books, simply brilliant. Never actually sat down to watch the films, though. Except for when I took my friend Martha to see both of the seventh. Rubbish CGI, but I suppose it's the best you can get before MIS is invented, and that won't be for, oh - fifty years?"

"But the book's not even finished," the technician said, bewildered, "I don't even know if it's started!"

"Oh, right, yes...Well, anyway, fourth book, loved the fourth book! I'm the one who showed Jo the inspiration for her merpeople. They're based off the inhabitants of Trakia. Whole planet's completely covered in water except for one teeny island about the size of - well about the size of a police box. Mind you, you won't believe how many aliens have shown up on Ms. Rowling's doorstep. Half of _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ has tried to take over the Earth at some point – "

"You!" The Doctor turned to meet the pointed finger of a man with thinning gray hair and glasses.

"Me?"

"Yes, you!" The man's glasses were knocked askew as he shook his head vigorously when he spoke. "You're perfect!"

"Well, yeah, I knew that – "

"Barty Crouch, Junior!"

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "What about him?"

"Will you play him?"

The Doctor stared. "_What_?"

"The actor who was playing Barty Crouch Junior just contracted mono. I need a replacement so we can start filming today, and you're it."

"But don't you need the director's approval for that?"

"Lucky for us I'm the director then. So will you take it?"

"You're offering me a role?" the Doctor grinned, "In a Harry Potter film? Brilliant!"

As soon as the filming was finished, the Doctor decided to go straight to see the midnight premiere. Oh sure, he could have just gone another few months ahead and bought the DVD, or a few years ahead and bought the mp4, or a few decades ahead and bought the OFM, or a few centuries ahead and seen the movie in total virtual immersion, but there was something about 21st century midnight movie premieres that made watching a movie special. Maybe it was the smell of butter, or maybe it was the fantastic wizard costumes some of the theater-goers had dressed up in, but the Doctor preferred to see it along with everyone else.

And so the Doctor munched happily on his popcorn as he watched himself onscreen. Sure, they had made him flatten his fabulous hair, and the tongue flicking thing was just weird, but come on! He was in a Harry Potter film!

After the credits stopped rolling (who on Earth was David Tennant? Sure, Mike had said they couldn't stick "The Doctor" on the credits, but where did _that_ name come from?) the Doctor rose and shuffled with everyone else out of the theater. He had thrown his empty popcorn bag in the bin and was just strolling over to where he had parked the TARDIS when a loud shriek shook him from his reverie.

"OH MY GAWSH, IT'S BARTY CROUCH JUNIOR!"

Suddenly a lot of people were staring at him. Oh bugger. The Doctor waved. "Hello, I'm – "

"He killed Cedric!" another voice cried from the crowd.

"Er, no. That was Ralph Fiennes, and anyway it's just acting – "

"AVENGE CEDRIC!"

"But he's still alive!" the Doctor protested, but it was too late. Hundreds of Harry Potter fans were pouring out of the theater doors with murder in their eyes.

The Doctor ran. His trainers hit the ground faster than they ever had before as the stampede of rabid fans followed him around the corner of the building where the TARDIS was waiting. Panicking, he dropped his key twice and only managed to open the door and shut it securely behind him a split second before the stampede reached him. The assembled hordes of Genghis Khan hadn't pounded half as hard as the hundreds of angry Cedric supporters. Quickly the Doctor pulled the lever to dematerialize, and as the TARDIS faded, so did the sound of fists pounding on her walls.

Relieved to have escaped with his life, the Doctor glanced at the date. November 21, 2008.

He opened the door tentatively. The TARDIS seemed to be in the parking lot of….another movie theater? He'd had enough of movie theaters to last him awhile. But wait – November 21, 2008….another midnight premiere. It'd been really popular too, if his history was still accurate. But what was the name of the film?

Right, then, he'd go find out. Maybe it was that _Star Wars_ pre-prequel. No wait, that came out November 21, 20_28_….

As he approached the entrance to the movie theater, a swarm of people spilled out of its doors. Bugger, he'd missed the premiere. It must have just ended. Hold on, why were all of these people teenage girls?

That was when the Doctor remembered what hugely popular movie had come out on November 21, 2008. _Twilight_. Ah. Well, he had no desire to see _that_ movie again, Rose had already made him sit through all four films and all four remakes made in the 2030s. Back to the TARDIS, then. He was staying away from movie premieres from now on.

But before he could turn to get back to his time-traveling ship, the closest of the mob of teenage girls stopped in their tracks to stare at him.

"Hey, isn't that the guy who killed Cedric in the Harry Potter movie?" said one girl.

"Ohmygawsh, it is!" shrieked her friend, pointing accusingly at the Doctor, "You killed Edward!"

A horrible sense of déjà vu overwhelming him, the Doctor stepped back and raised his hands defensively in surrender. "No, no, no, that guy was played by David Tennant, you hear me, some bloke named _David Tennant_, not me – "

"GET HIM!" shrieked another girl.

The Doctor bolted like a panicked rabbit, but it was too late. Surrounded by enraged and hormonally imbalanced teenage girls, the Doctor stood no chance at all as he was torn to pieces.

* * *

**A/N: For those who aren't aware, David Tennant plays the Doctor in _Doctor Who_ and Barty Crouch, Jr in _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_. Robert Pattinson played Cedric Diggory in _Goblet of Fire_, and then went on to star as Edward, the vampire in _Twilight_. Barty Crouch, Jr didn't kill Cedric in the movie; Voldemort, played by Ralph Fiennes, did. But Barty Crouch Jr was a bad guy, so it sort of fits.**

**So I envisioned this kind of thing happening if the Doctor ever tried to go see either one of these movies in public. No offense to either HP or Twilight fans, but we are a rabid bunch. Especially Twilight. And that's coming from a teenage girl.**

**Anyway, I'm having fun with these. Hopefully I can get another one done this weekend.**


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